It was only a matter of time before I could no longer fight back tears. I let some slip out last night {or very early this morning seeing as how it was around 5:30am} I couldn't hold it in any longer. I haven't talked to Stuart in two, going on three, days.

Its also hard for someone who suffers from depression, as I do, to go more than a week or two without crying at least once. Maybe if I took medication ... but I hate any kind of medication for anything. If I was dying, then I'd consider it, but I'd still hate it.

Anywho, I also gave in another way too. I texted him. Just one, simple text: "I miss you." I got no response, which triggered more tears to force themselves out. When I got up at 2 today, I checked my phone and still nothing. I couldn't cry this time because people were awake.

I'm thinking that I'll have to attempt to choke back tears again tonight too. Something tells me that I'm not going to be talking to him tonight either. It really sucks that my subconscious sees fit to keep bringing him up in my dreams. But then again, last night's dreams were completely and oddly weird. I'm not going to get into them, though, cuz that's enough for a whole nother entry on its own.

I'm going to have to fight the strong urge to text him. I'm starting the process of distancing myself from him. Its not proving to be easy.

{edit} I hate this part of me. I haven't talked to him in a few days and he hasn't shown any signs that he's been online at all. Which is odd for him; recently at least. My mind starts to think the worst. The "what ifs." I'm trying to push these things from my mind, but as each day passes and still no word from him, they grow stronger and I get more worried.

Yeah... I know how that goes. It used to be that I'd have to find something to cry about.
After a while/getting better, I realized that I still cry a lot, mostly when I'm PMSing. Someone can look at me the wrong way, and my day falls apart. I hate it. :/
» ikimashokie on 2007-07-27 11:01:51

So is this guy your boyfriend?
» alexsedotcx on 2007-07-27 08:41:13

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